GOOD BYE 2015……HELLO 2016!!!

IMG_8314The changing of years is always a time of reflection for me. I am not going to lie. I am happy to see 2015 fade away with the setting sun and look forward with hope to 2016. Life was a little tough this past year on a lot of levels, for my family and in turn for myself personally. I feel beat up. I have withdrawn from all of you as well as those around me. It’s time to stop hiding and face a few realities.

I write, when I can do so from a positive place. You may have noticed I have been pretty quiet this past year. The happy little family that I tend to write about ran an emotional marathon in 2015 filled with multiple hurdles. I have not been writing – worried that my negativity would leak out across my page and I would be exposed “positive”ly as a fraud. Not only that, being in a bad place, how could I encourage others to keep their chin up when I was slowly sinking.

I started this blog as a positive place for all Step Mothers. A community of love, support, and understanding. When being a Step Mom was new to me I turned to the internet for guidance. What I found was angry, bitter woman that felt scorned and alone. I didn’t fault them, after all I was looking for help because at times I too wrestled with all of the same emotions. I often WAS the hot mess that felt like a raging lunatic! I knew that wasn’t’ the path to success so I set out to take a different approach. I wanted to express to all Step Moms what an opportunity every one of us has. We can rise above the drama to be the bigger person in our relationships. All relationships including husbands, children, and ex-wives. I need to face the fact that although I do have a fairly positive outlook in life, I am still human. I don’t just screw up a little – I screw up big time. I yell at my kids when I am angry over something else. I am confrontational with my husband when I am mad at myself. It is time to stop hiding and admit that I am not perfect, you already know that – it’s me that has to come to terms with it.

I am ready to share it with you all, the good the bad and the ugly. I hope that my pages become infectious with the reality that Step Mom’s have a very tough job, but we are stronger than what society paints us out to be. We are loving wonderful woman that have so much to give and offer. We are the super glue, duct tape, and Velcro that fastens our family together. We can build off our mistakes and use them for a spring board for 2016. So here it goes…

My husband and I run a successful business, Principle Solutions. We help other company’s identify problems and help them build solutions. We buy and sell a multitude of things, however our main business is sourcing ingredients for high end dog foods. Well, all businesses fall under scrutiny from time to time and we are no different. We have been entwined in an awful legal battle for the past two + years. The majority of you all know the stress load that comes with a law suit. It really doesn’t matter if it is for family court or your financial security – when something major in your life is threatened, you fight with everything you have. We sold the home we designed and built together to prepare for the worse, rather than possibly have it taken away later. Our boys had to deal with their parents being completely stressed out, crabby, and often emotionally unpredictable. I feel like I have been robbed of the past two years. I have been fighting to survive rather than enjoying little moments. I have been pushed so far out of character and I am angry about that.

On the family front things got pretty stormy too. Our oldest son, Monkey, continues to struggle with mental illness. At the age of 14 his clinical immaturity becomes more clearly defined. Many labels have been stuck all over him including ADHD, ODD, OCD, Bi-Polar, and broad spectrum autism. The reality is, I don’t believe that any of those labels really matter seeing the treatment is pretty much the same. All that matters is our little boy. He swings from being the most loving little kid to being a ball of violence, destroying things and hurting loved ones that get in his way. My struggle with this is that I am helping raise this little man fifty percent of the time and with very little say in his medical treatment. Mr. Magoo listens to my advice, but ultimate medical decisions are made by Mom. We all love and support this little boy and work together fairly well when he needs us. This includes going to each others homes, counseling, and lengthy conversations. We all know that he isn’t going to get better, but accepting those facts is proving to be a little more difficult than it sounds. You just want him to be like the rest of the boys, you want him to be accepted by his peers, but I need to work harder at accepting what his path is and help him down it. We waltz in a day by day dance between the reality of the facts as well as the hopes and dreams that someday he suddenly is going to be like everyone else. I want to be clear – I love and accept him with all of my heart – that is why this journey is so difficult. I want so much more for him.

I feel selfish. Everyone has issues. I am not alone. This pity party dies with 2015. If you are ready for some positive reading as well as the occasional dose of reality – subscribe to my blog. It’s easy, enter your email and then wait for the confirmation email (sometimes it lands in your junk box, so hunt a little please) – respond with yes….I really did want to read this – and you are all set. Here is my promise…in writing. I am going to post no more than once a week and no less than once a month in 2016. Come, read, comment, join the not so wicked Step Mom club. I also promise that I will never think you are crazy – share what you want – as long as you don’t think I am crazy either 😉

Who’s with me! This is a great time to renew and refresh your spirit and confidence. I would LOVE to hear from you! Tell me what you are letting go of in 2015 and what are you looking to embrace in 2016? Can’t WAIT to hear from you all!!!

With Love –

Amy Z

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