I often try to review scenarios from other people points of view. I discovered most of my success as a Step Mom by always looking at things from my boy’s Mother’s perspective, my mini men’s, or my husband’s. It helps me round out my own opinions and make better decisions. There has been one point of view that I have been overlooking. One of a veteran Step Mother. A woman that has fought all of the battles, dealt with all of the crazy emotions, and is still alive and in love to tell her story.
The lovely lady in the photograph is named Karlen – and I adore her. Boarding a Southwest flight I sat down next to Karlen and her husband, two complete strangers two years ago. On airplanes I enjoy turning to the person next to me to and getting them to tell me their story. I was surprised to find myself listening to a story of being a Step Mother.
Karlen is an absolute delight. One of those ladies so intriguing that you could talk to her for hours and never realize that time is slipping by. Quickly you are under the spell of her charm. Unfortunately, not everyone in her life feels the same way. Her battles with her Step Children continue and it has not been an easy road. I listened to her story, but her heartache could be seen in her eyes. The love she has for her Step Children is apparent, but at the same time has stayed strong and true to herself. As her story unfolded, she occasional patted her Husbands hand. He never interjected unless asked a question, he just watched and listened. Their love for one another shown brightly and it made my heart swell.
Karlen is a wonderful example of a Step Mother that we all could look up to. Listening to her story, I became aware that being a Step Mom is only a subplot too her novel. Her life was one of excitement growing up in Beverly Hills, of accomplishment as she had a successful career and one of beauty and strength as she swims or works out a minimum of three days a week. It is a love filled fairy tale story that ends with her riding off into the sunset with her prince.
It gave me pause to realize that not every Step Mom / Step Child relationship is going to end up positive no matter how hard you try. I’m okay with that too. It does not make the Step Mother wicked, nor does it make the Step Child unreasonable, sometimes people just plain don’t mix. That does not mean that you failed, and it certainly does not mean that you give up. It simply means that you gave it your best and it is alright to move on and continue to celebrate the rest of your life as a Step Mother and Wife the best way you know how.
I pray that your Step Mom life is fantastic, but know if it isn’t – that’s okay too. Stop beating yourself up over it. Put your focus back on yourself and the love that made you commit to this life in the first place. Let the warmth of that love wash over you and renew your spirit. Not everyone is going to love you – maybe not even like you. It is their loss and you still have a life to live. Pick up your pieces, heal your spirit, and live the life you were meant to have by your design.
~ Amy Elizabeth
I hope this post helped you. I hope that you will be able to start looking at things in a new light, allowing you to let go of the hurt or bitterness and move on with the life you are meant to live. Thank you for reading, but most of all thank you for stepping up to be a Step Mom.