“Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported.”
When you have a bad day, what do you want? You may find some comfort in the bottom of an ice cream carton or a glass of wine. I will admit they can make a good quick fix, but what I really want is to be with someone that I know loves me. A person that will sit with me and listen. I don’t need them to buy me flowers or try to find the perfect words. I want them there – blanketing me with their love, letting me lean in for support. I want to know that I have someone that is going to be there for me no matter how bad I screw up, to hold me, to be present.
It is easy to identify what we want, but forget that what we want – is also what others need.
I want to be my everything for my Step Children. I search for the perfect words to say. My daily actions are laced with love. I want everything to be grand and memorable. I correct their actions and set expectations high to encourage them to stretch into strong little humans. I try so hard to do everything right – but at the end of the day I fall short – nobody’s perfect.
All parents fall into the “perfect trap”. Step Parents seem to fall a little deeper because they spend so much energy battling both internally and externally to prove themselves, to validate their position in an extended family – both as a parent and a spouse. Our minds spin out of control with thoughts based on “I can do better”. We try so hard, that we get lost in our actions.
I often have to remind myself that being a great parent/spouse isn’t found in grand actions, it is in the opposite. I just need to be present, to be there, both emotionally and physically. To give my undivided attention. Children have so much going on around them and inside of them. By just being there you are giving them a safe haven. Running your hand through their hair as you walk by, making eye contact while they tell you the story of their day, watching a cartoon with them without an electronic gadget in your hand and asking why unicorns are so magical. The best investment you can make in your families future is every spare minute that you can just – be.
The gift of your presence is the gift that will never be forgotten.
~ Amy Z